A recent article in the new york post highlights a facebook group entitled i regret having children. But, if im being totally honest, there are times when i catch myself dreaming about the life i might have if i werent chained to three young kids, a husband and a mortgage. You on the other hand are, so put those smarts to use and focus on meeting someone whose only regret is that he didnt meet you sooner. This will cause great pain and often significant regrets. Dont regret having my child, but damn sure regret not saving more before i blew that final load. I was an only child so having an only is normal to me and i never desired siblings. Desperate enough that i married the first man who was interested in having a child with me, knowing, in the back of my mind, that i was making a bad decision but thinking i. Note regret does not mean that you hate your kids but only a feeling where you doubt your decision. You let go of your ideals and ideas about yourself.
Is it wrong that i sometimes regret having a child. What i am saying is that when find yourself in a relationship with a woman who appreciates and loves you for who you are, you wont regret this decision. If you only have one child out of choice, do you ever regret not having more. What you learn about being an only child once youre an. How i made peace with having only one child working mother. Continue reading for 15 truths from parents of only children. It may seem silly but reading this gave me great comfort that there are others in similar situations and its okay to regret once in a while but we need to do what works for our family. Most of you assured her that parents rarely regret the children they have, but sprinkled amid the many comments were a few that were starkly sad. Dont worry about being wrong if you are having a hard time as a parent.
It wasnt an accident either, i had three girls and i knew i was head. Although ive always loved being around kids i was the guy playing with all the kids at any party and they seemed to take to me, i knew i never wanted to have any of. You can be quite different from one another, but if you have those, and if you communicate well, respect each other, and support each others goals, that is be the key. High five your coparent and then tune the inquisitor out.
If you do not think you want to have children, do not let your friends or family members convince you that parenthood is the only correct decision. Research shows us that its possible to adore the baby you have, but regret having made the choice to have a baby in the first place, and that maternal instincts arent so instinctual after all. Most of those were from mothers, and they were about the added price women seem to pay in sleep, income, ambition, time, status when they. I am 66, retired, and regret having only one child. Or you wanted two boys and two girls and only had one child. She spent about 3 months in the nicu but now is a healthy 16 month old, only with a slight delayed development. Is that colleague of yours standoffish, or are they just an only child. I genuinely think you cannot put a price on having a compatible, committed partner with whom you have physical, mental and emotional chemistry. Having an only child is not something that was on my radar, but it may be what is in our future. A growing yet contentious conversation in which parents are admitting i regret having children primarily focused on mothers is reframing motherhood. An open letter to mothers who regret having children. It brought home the terrifying flipside to all this that of having children when its not what you really want. That said, dont let those first impressions put you off. Of course, i would expect it to be very difficult for the first year or two, but does it pay off.
News media parents who regret having children write anonymously about their experiences online i still feel loads of guilt, not because i failed as a. I understand that having siblings doesnt automatically give you the perfect person to. I know you can feel excited, but when you do what made you excited, the excited feeling goes away and you feel happy because it was fun. Reading your article, you spoke more about why you should just have one and be done and the only part you mentioned about having another is because you worry that plumblossom will want a sibling. Having a child is a choice, but i have to say i regret not having any. I slightly regret not having another child but the regret is less with every passing year. The clinical psychologist linda blair, author of the book birth order, says there can be huge benefits to this family structure, as parents can focus all their time and energy on an only child. Mothers who regret having children i wish id never had. So worried i am going to regret having only one child. Its normal to find difficult, relentless work difficult and relentless. Only child was not only the first book i completed in 2018, but it absolutely wrecked me. And yet, i cant help but wish that i might have focused on the 60% chance that everything would be fine.
It is absolutely true that some adult children who reject parents do want to reconcile. I asked 20 moms with grown kids what they regret most. The online group is a place for moms to share their regret without shame. I appreciate the opportunities i have as a result of not having another little one. With some only children, all that time spent flying solo means its harder to warm up to people as adults. The comments range from the typical grumblings that i think most parents utter when theyre tired to very strong lament and ideation of leaving ones children behind in pursuit of the life she lost.
If you only have one child out of choice, do you ever. I think its very unlikely that you would ever regret having another child but there is every likelihood that in your current position you would regret not having one. Im still wrapping my head around us being parents of only one child. I never knew you could feel more than one feeling inside of you at the same time. Parents who regret having children write anonymously about. To the point where i had seriously considered changing his name. She had been an only child and had hoped that having children would end her. An open letter to mothers who regret having children aleteia.
Parents of only children, do you regret not having more children. Its a hell of a lot of work, but i have never ever regretted them. If you want to please her that much, then have another child. Women who express regret are assumed to be unable to love their child or are. My son is 2 years old, and since he turned 1, weve been getting the so when are you having the next one. I was, after all, choosing on the side of caution, and thats what mothers naturally do. I will unconditionally love you, but i know that wont be enough.
If you do get asked when you are having another kid, just keep it simple and say, its one and done for us. Read this if youre not sure you want kids kris gage. The problem with having one child we thought people would respect our choice but having an only child seems to be the one subject still open to discrimination. Youre taking responsibility for it and youre making sure that your kids do not become victims of your regret, so youre doing exactly what you need to do to be a good mom. Its not what i pictured for myself, but i do believe there is a reason and a grand plan for my family. Also, dont forget the old saying that you never regret the things you do in life, only the things you dont do. Or, i can be grateful for my present circumstances of having one child. Maybe you wanted children and werent able to have your own. This is the essence of why having a child is amazing.
All of the preemie moms i met in the hospital have gone on to have healthy second babies. My daughter was born at 28 weeks due to an emergency csection as a result of my chronic hypertension. My reasons were as valid as all of them that i have read for having only one. What parents regret about having children psychology today. And we need to talk about it if were going to truly advocate for reproductive choice, argues a book by sociologist orna donath. Regret over having children october, 2016 lori alexander comments 17 comments in reading through the book of john, i am struck that right before christ was going to be crucified, he had a passover dinner with his disciples and said this, if i then, your lord and master, have washed your feet. You may never not regret having kids, and thats ok. But i think if you really, really regret having your kids every day then it might be worth trying some counselling or ads, just to get you through until things do get a bit easier. Here are a few things ive learned about transitioning from a carefree only child mentality to an adulthood that simply doesnt include siblings. If contact from your estranged adult child triggers guilt, only you can decide whether that guilt is warranted. Going anonymous on this one, for reasons that are, or should soon be, obvious. Its unthinkable, and its definitely unspeakable, but women all over the world are coming forward to say it. That marriage lasted only three years, which only confirmed the wisdom of my decision. But since ive grown older and my relationships with my family members have evolved, ive also become increasingly aware of what it means to be an only child as an adult.
We build a strong rock solid marriage we considered having kids but after working so hard on healing from the child who have used an escaping the cycle of poverty, we grew up and we decided long ago that just the two of us was enough we still consider ourselves a family and. Do you regret not having children problems in pregnancy. Receive my e book, how to introduce your child to jesus for free. Have kids because youre ready to love not because youre terrified of regret or other risks. My husband really wanted a child and i put it off for so long knowing it wasnt my callingi gave in after so many rows. Nothing you do on this earth no book you write, no trip you take, no career glory you win, no monument built in your honor, nothing. Having a child or not is ones independent decision and i respect that but once you have kids, do not let this regret affect your parenting or your life, in general. These questions were the focus of a new study by professors julia moore and jenna abetz of the university. This was my fourth pregnancy, my youngest child was nine years old and my oldest was 16. Why i regret having an only child page 6 of 9 mamiverse. Of course i have days when i just want to curl up in bed or run away, i think most people do. Parents of only children, do you regret not having more. Or maybe you had healthy children and they are growing up and ready to leave the fold and your relationship with them is shattered or strained in some way. Hi, i am 41 and have a 21 year old daughter i met my husband when my daughter was three, he is a very dear man who always looked.